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number 14

Week 14 was paint spattered

This week my flat was awash with paint; drops and blobs of white goo that resembled a seagull infested pier front rather than my living room. It was decorating chaos and as a result my creativity took a nose dive. Amongst the rollers, paintbrushes and paint filled trays I tried to think about my next chapter and plot the fate of the characters, but my eyes kept being drawn to the stripes on the ceiling. It made me realise how important the space you work in is. I do not fare well under clutter and all it makes me want to do is clean (a great method of distraction at the best of times!)

All of this paint mayhem is for a wonderful reason. It is a move into the next phase of my life of moving in with my other half, which is both exciting and scary. But I can feel frustration building. I feel in limbo, caught between college and exams; redecorating and packing; winter and well…winter. I want to be writing, but yet have no energy or motivation to write. Once you get out of a routine, getting back into it is a huge effort – an anthill of Mount Etna proportions.

I did have my first meeting with my mentor though. An online back and forth that made me realise why the story wasn’t working. The issues are complex and huge and I have failed to let them breathe through microscopic examination. I need to pull back and let their relationship and problems unfold slowly and quietly. Instead of a sledgehammer this time I need to use a pen, or a fluffy quill that feathers them to life.

This ‘Nearly Writer’s Diary’ project was intended to map my writing through the year, but a lot of the posts seem to be negative rather than positive and that is irritating. I want to be so inspired the words just won’t stop coming, with plot twists and turns that rival a maze. However, it has not quite happened that way. Saying that I will be interested to read them all at the end of the year to examine my 2013 and if things change, how and when  – as Stella said in the little watched movie – I got my groove back!