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number 16

Week 16 was ends & celebrations

The end has finally arrived! The academic marathon is over with my fate now resting in the hands of six questions and two lecturers. However, even though I was at the last hurdle I found it hard to concentrate and struggled to study for long periods of time without getting distracted. The final push ended up being more of a forced limp.

With the end came celebrations, many toasts that started at lunchtime and ended with the stars. There had been a battle and collectively (half the class that actually started) we made it, a little battered but with something achieved.

So now it’s done and I have my brain and two evenings in the week back. I have to admit though it feels strange not to have something to submit or study. I now have the time, but not the will. I have the horizon in front of me, but no foresight to see past the sun. It’s an end without a real beginning.

But maybe that’s fine. Jumping straight back in isn’t always that easy or advised. In fact most of me just wants to run away to a remote cottage to explore lakes and forest tracks or sit by the sea and just breathe. Stillness is very underrated.

So I intend to dip my toe in slowly. After 5 weeks of missing writing group I will return and even though it’s a short period of time I feel out of the loop. In my absence a book has been born and released into the world. It will be good to touch base and get my writing wings stretched out again.

Plus I will be having another session with my mentor tomorrow; two new stories that I have sent for his critical and discerning eye. I am anxious because I think these ones are good and am afraid of the feedback. But I know that if I want to get better I have to loosen the reins, and see if what I created is a donkey or merely a unicorn in need of some TLC.