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30

Week 30 was a meditation

Sometimes it’s good and necessary to stop and take stock of things. I often find that I’m so busy doing ‘it’, be that writing, editing or reading, that I’m not really thinking about what it all means and where I want it to lead to.

This week wasn’t meant to be meditative, but it turned out that way. In a bit of a creative dry patch I took the time to just think. I thought about what I really want to write and what I should be spending my time doing rather than dancing around lots of things, a habit that seems difficult to crack. My conclusions are yet to be ironed out. I know that I want a novel in a bookshop one day, but even getting a first draft done is such a hard slog. It’s tough, it’s relentless and it’s full of angst. It is a great achievement to get to the end and one to be celebrated, but that’s the point when the real work begins – at the redraft, and that’s tougher, more relentless and weighted with angst. Like anything in life you really want, it’s hard bloody work.

I have never shied away from hard work, but at the moment I’m not sure if my mind is fit for it. On reflection I am thinking of a short story collection, the theme of which is churning in my head and excites me. I love short stories, have a few written already that I believe are worth reading, and it is a feat that seems achievable in bite-sized pieces. It feels like a possible goal. I’m not saying it’s not going to be hard work, but at the moment it feels like the direction I should be going. It seems to be a feat that my mind and resolve can handle.

As I have learned with writing this diary, that may change again in a few weeks but I feel like all these steps and missteps will lead me to somewhere. And that somewhere will be hard won and worth it. Now it’s time to work on the reflection, perhaps even take some time to do more of it rather than jumping right in again. Patience has never been one of my virtues, but right now may be the perfect time to try it out and let the conclusions get some much needed air.

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